If you want to increase your chances of finding someone you will be compatible with in a long-term relationship, you have to figure out what you want. This is something that not many people really think about, but it is very important nonetheless.

  1. Determine What You Won’t Compromise on

There are certain things that most people refuse to compromise on when it comes to dating someone. It could be that the person is already in a relationship or has a serious drug problem. You will first have to know what things you consider deal breakers. This will give you a good starting point for finding someone you will be compatible with long term.

  1. What Are Your Values?

You must also spend some time determining what your core values are. These are the things you value most in yourself. Think about what things really make you happy and proud of yourself. It is important to find someone who shares these values. If you and your partner differ on these things, there is a good chance the relationship won’t work.

  1. Look at Other Couples

It can also be a good idea to look at couples in your life that seem to be doing well and learn from them. While you may not value the same things they do, it can still be a useful place to start. You should also look at couples that seem to have a very toxic relationship and try to learn from some of the mistakes they seem to be making.

  1. Refer to your Past Relationships

You can learn a lot from your past relationships, so you should spend some time reflecting on them. Why didn’t those relationships work? Whenever a relationship ends, the problem is almost always a matter of compatibility in some way. Asking yourself these questions can help you gain the insight you need to make your next relationship a lasting success. Those who don’t learn from their mistakes are always doomed to repeat them.

  1. Learn to Love Yourself

As cheesy as it might seem, you need to learn how to love and take care of yourself before getting into a relationship. The better you are taking at taking care of yourself, the easier it will be to figure out what you want in a relationship. This includes learning how to properly cope with stress and dealing with big problems that come up in life.

  1. Find Someone who Challenges You

It is important to find someone who will challenge you and help keep you in line over the long term. One of the reasons you don’t want to be with someone who is too similar to you is because you won’t grow at all. You want to be in a relationship with a person who will point out your shortcomings and hold you accountable for your actions.

  1. Do some Casual Dating

There is nothing wrong with doing a little bit of casual dating, and in fact it can be a good way to get a better sense of what you want in a relationship. Make sure that you set some limitations for these dates so that things don’t get too complicated too quickly. Getting coffee or going for drinks with someone you are interested in can be done without any strings attached.


  • Self-reflection is important when you are figuring out what you want in a relationship, but you don’t want to become overly analytical. This will only lead to a lot of unnecessary angst and frustration.