Relationships can be tough. Sometimes it does not work out. How do you break up with someone you love without hurting them? As an old song goes, breaking up can be hard to do. There are signs that can help you decide when it is time to leave the relationship. If you are bored or you are not getting along, arguing and not enjoying each other’s company, it is time to consider leaving. Your happiness is imperative.
If you are not feeling loved and supported, it may be time to move on. Sometimes it is just a matter of change. If you and your partner are not wanting the same things in life anymore, there is no reason to stay. Perhaps, you want a career that will require a lot of travel, but your partner is a homebody. In the end, this likely will not work for either of you.
Whether you live together, or it is a long-distance relationship, here are six ways to break up with someone you love.
- Be gentle
When you have decided it is time to move on, you must consider breaking up gently. If you care about someone, you certainly do not want to hurt them. The easy way out would be breaking up by text, but it is certainly not considerate. First and foremost, do it in person if at all possible. If the relationship is long-distance, use Skype or a similar method where you will see each other face-to-face.
- Be honest
If you care about someone, you owe them the truth. Tell your partner what has changed and why you feel the way you do. Do not lie just to make them or you feel better. Breaking up with someone hurts. If you are not in love anymore, tell them. Explain you care about them, but it is not fair to remain in the relationship if you are not in love.
- Be kind
Choose your words carefully. Reiterate it is your decision, and provide the reasons why you are not a good fit for them anymore. Be sure you speak to your partner in a caring and pleasant tone. Do not shout or use foul language even if you are frustrated. You need to do this nicely.
- Choose the right time
If you or your partner are having a bad day, hold off for a day or two. Likewise, do not choose a day that is special for you or your partner. For example, if your partner comes home and announces a big promotion at work, it is not the day to have a conversation about breaking up. It is also not good to do it in the middle of an argument. Let your partner know you want to talk and invite them to dinner.
- Do not be vague
Along with being honest, you must be clear. Do not say you are breaking up because you are never at home. You need to tell them exactly what upsets you and why. For example, you could say, ‘I am working a lot and it requires me to travel. You deserve to be with someone who can go out and do things with you on a regular basis.’ If you are not clear, they may not realize this is the end of the relationship. Your partner needs to know this is a permanent situation.
- Let them talk too
Let your partner do some of the talking. What is their mindset? Let them tell you their concerns as well. It is important to get their point of view. If they feel there are no issues, let them explain why they do not have the same perspective as you do. From there, you can explain your point of view gently.
Sometimes the break up is due to a more extreme situation, such as abuse or finding someone else. Here are additional tips on how to handle these particular situations.
- Breaking up with someone when you found someone else
You will need to continue to be honest. Tell your partner you found someone else. Explain why you feel you are more compatible with the new person. You might say, “I love you, but “new person” loves to travel like I do, and you prefer to stay home. In the end, we do not want the same things.” Explain you want them to find someone they will be happy with and who wants the same things as they do.
- Breaking up with someone who is abusive
This is difficult. You do not want to lie or do it via text or phone.
- It is still important to break up in person.
- Remain kind, but be firm. Let them know you no longer feel safe in their presence.
- Explain yourself, but do not let them talk you out of it with an apology.
- State your feelings and leave as soon as possible. You may want to have another person with you for safety reasons, but have them wait in another room if you can do so.
If you and your partner have a good and mature talk about why it is not working out, it is healthy and you are more likely to remain amicable. By considering their feelings, you are more likely to break up with someone you love without hurting them. It is important to know how to handle the break up properly so you can both move on without hurt feelings and regrets.
Moving on from someone you live with can be an intimidating thought, but your future self will thank you for not settling for a mediocre relationship. You deserve the best, and so does your partner. Remember, your future love is out there waiting for you to find them!
There are plenty of reasons why you may feel that you want to break up with your current significant other. It could be due to:
- feelings of doubt
- or even a lack of attractiveness.
Sometimes there is no easy way to tell someone, “it is over”, but to just let it happen and move forward. So, here are 6 steps to break up with a person.
- Reflect on why you want to break up
Before you consider breaking up with someone, take a moment to think about why you feel that you want to break up with your significant other. In some cases, you may feel as if your significant other is unattractive. For others, it may have been a case of betrayal, infidelity, and deceit. Whatever the case may be, reflect on your own motivations behind the break-up before you decide that it is the decision you want to make.
TIP: Take as much time as you need to fully reflect on the reasons you want to break up with this person.
CAUTION: Breaking up with someone can cause an immense amount of stress on him or her and/or yourself or any other third party that may be involved.
- Set a meeting with the person you are planning to break up with
Now that you have decided to break up with this person, start the “break-up” discussion with him or her. In order to start the “break up” discussion, try reaching out to him or her by a phone call or text message. You can start off by saying, that you have been contemplating breaking up with him or her, and would like to discuss the details of the reasons why. It is much more fulfilling to both parties if you set a meeting face-to-face. However, if it is too difficult to do so, designate a time slot to discuss with your significant other to start the “break up discussion”.
- Discuss with the person the reasons you want to break up
- Take time to explain why you feel that breaking up with your significant other is the right decision for both of you.
- The “break up” discussion is meant to explain why you feel that you want to break up with him or her.
- You can also discuss issues or experiences that occurred that may have lead you to think of breaking up with him or her.
- If the discussion begins to get emotionally or physically harming either party, take a step back and stop the discussion before continuing the conversation; you may continue to have the conversation at some other time.
TIP: Explain that you have taken some time to really contemplate or make this decision, that way he or she does not feel as if it was made upon impulse or other external motives.
- Resolve the breakup
After the “break up” discussion, there will be issues that need to be resolved. This can be that you have items left at his or her home or vice versa or that you will need to discuss details about how to deal with any other third-party that may be involved. If you are married, this step includes that you resolve any legal issues and family issues that will follow the breakup. If you are breaking up with a friend, this step includes developing an idea for how you may hang out with mutual friends or family.
- Follow-Through with the break-up
After the break-up, there will be moments where you may contemplate wanting to get back together with your significant other. However, if you felt that you had to break up with him or her before, you may feel that you will want to break up with him or her again in the future. During this step, you will feel very emotional.
- It’s recommended that you do some positive activities with a strong support group that includes some of your friends and family.
- Do not talk or reach out to your ex after the “break-up” discussion.
- You should only respond to resolve any unfinished business you may have with them; however, you should still limit as much contact as possible.
- After the breakup
- As time passes after the breakup, you will slowly adjust to a different lifestyle.
- You will also be able to enjoy the single life and will have more time to grow and change who you are as an individual.
- It is not recommended that you start another relationship after the break up due to any subsiding emotions that may still linger after the breakup.
- Try to do activities that make you feel good about yourself to move forward from the breakup.
- When enough time has passed, the right person will come into your life.
TIP: If you have suicidal thoughts contact the “Suicide Hotline” and contact your physician. 1(800)273-8255.
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What is a toxic relationship?
Can someone leave you if they love you?
Why do guys let go of the girl they love?
The relationship feels like an emotional burden to him. The relationship is overwhelmingly negative. The long term relationship goals are incompatible. He feels like he can‘t be himself.